Thursday, January 10, 2013

Chasing Amy… A comedy that tells it like it feels.

Happy 2013! I’m pleased to announce that during this year’s Hooray for Heifer Drive, thanks to your comments, I:
  • Met a bunch of wonderful people all over the world and got to read their blogs.
  • Learned that there is a LOT of passion out there for goats… but not in an odd or hot way.
  • Was able to donate $35.00 to a really great organization.
So thank you… all of you. After the chaos of 2012, humanity needed a little push in the right direction, and – to quote one of my favorite songs of all times, I Still Believe, by Frank Turner, maybe “something so simple could save us all.”

With that, I have some other good news to share. Earlier this month, I got an e-mail from a friend who said that she had just gotten published and that her book is now available on Amazon. And, although I genuinely want to tell you to go buy it, I can’t, because, if you knew her name, it’d be too easy to get mine. And – in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a huge fan of anonymity. I mean sure, while most of the people who read mkromd know me, some of you don’t. Some of you are visitors. And, to quote the lovely and talented actor, writer, and director, Kevin Smith, “I'm a big fan of anonymous visitors… especially the kind that makes coffee in the morning before they leave!” But I digress.

The point is that, all jokes aside, I began to wonder if I’ll ever become a real writer. Don’t get me wrong. I think Woody Allen is right, “I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given finger-paints.” But it’d be great to do it for a living, too. Also, for the record, don’t judge. I fully understand that focusing on my own agenda instead of celebrating my friend’s success makes me a bad person, but I think we’ve already established that I’m as shallow and competitive as a drag queen. I’m just not as fierce or as focused. If I were, I’d already be published.

Anyway… disclaimers disclaimed, my New Year’s Resolution is to give it a go. I’ve found a writing coach and am sending my manuscript to her for a full review. When I asked her to be gentle but firm, she said she’d “treat me like a proctologist who has abnormally large fingers.” Yes. Really. At the risk of over-sharing, I have to be honest, the second I read that I knew she was the right coach for me.

She also made me do some research to make sure that I really understood what this would entail… because if I didn’t, it would be nothing more than, “an expensive, time-consuming exercise in futility which was bound to end in nothing but misery and disappointment for every party involved.” Did I mention that her Pollyannaism is extremely contagious? Cause it is. At any rate,  as I started looking for information online, I stumbled across article after article about Amy Einhorn, who has published books like “The Help” and “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened.” They she has an “almost mystical editorial instinct,” and – in the spirit of full disclosure, I’ve read several of the writers she’s discovered. The people who say that about her are right. Each one of those books was excellent. Note: It should also be said that, after finishing the hundredth or so article, I felt the need to clean my Internet history… just in case somebody steals my laptop, goes through it, and thinks I’m some crazy stalker-chick. You laugh, but years ago, at another company, I left my PC in a conference room and someone hit the Back button in my Browser toolbar. No lie, it went to the home page for Guinness beer. Then they clicked it again, and it went to the homepage for Dunkin Doughnuts. Within minutes, a colleague called and said, “mkromd, did you lose your computer?” Yup.

Wish me luck, and once again – thanks for all of the wonderful comments. Happy New Year and go Heifer.