Friday, June 18, 2010

Our Relationship is at a Crossroad...

I'm SO excited. This weekend, DB and I are seeing Eric Clapton's Crossroads 2010 concert. It was his birthday gift from me, since - even though he's now "the man" at work, he's still a Blues Guitarist at heart. And I have to be honest, between that and the fact that he's a laid back Buddhist, he's impossible to buy presents for. Seriously, what the hell do you get someone who only wants enlightenment? Especially if that person gives AMAZING gifts! And while DB isn’t competitive at all, I make EVERYTHING a contest. Really people… my personality test said that I could have been a Drag Queen.

All jokes aside, I literally spent HOURS looking for something that says, “The gifts I give to you are better than the gifts you give to me” but does it in a centered and calm way. And I found it! After much angst and finagling, I scored two tickets to Eric Clapton’s 2010 Crossroads Guitar Festival, which will be a veritable auditory orgy for people who love the Blues. DB will get to see Albert Lee, the Allman Brothers, BB King, Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Jimmie Vaughan, and John Mayer to name a few.

The ironic part of this tale is how I figured out the perfect gift.

DB and I have known each other forever, but we only started dating last year. And in that, “should we/shouldn’t we” phase, he was burning CDs for me so I could transfer them to my iPod. No kidding, he has thousands upon thousands of music files. He’s burned me Blues CDs, Reggae CDs, Soul CDs, Punk CDs. You name it, he owns it, and now I do too. But sometimes, he just burned CDs that he thought I’d like, which he did late last Spring. At the time, I was changing office locations, so I threw it into a box and brought it to my new cube. Shortly after that, when life finally slowed down a little, I started to unpack, and that’s when I saw a CD case labeled, “For mkromd from DB.” So I thought, “Hmmmm… I don’t remember this one.” And I put it into my laptop, cranked my headset, and started to work. Do you know what he put on a CD that was meant to impress me?

Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen...

No doubt it is the greatest song Freddie Mercury ever sang, but is it really something you give to a woman you want to date? So when I met my best friend for coffee later that day, I told her what he did and she shrieked, “OMG! I love Fat Bottomed Girls.” That’s when the three college-aged women beside us got up and moved to another table. While trying to recover, TB emphatically explained, “By Queen! I MEAN AS IN THE SONG BY QUEEN, NOT AS IN ‘I LIKE FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS’ AS A SENTENCE!” I told her they didn’t believe her because they were too young to know anything except Bohemian Rhapsody from Wayne’s World. She said it was because I was too God-damned bottomed for them to believe I wasn’t her date.

At any rate, that’s when she said, “You know… Isn’t Eric Clapton doing Crossroads again this year? You should take him to see it.” So we pulled out her laptop and started looking. Naturally it was sold out the second the tickets went on sale, so I told her I’d look for them later. I wasn’t going to do it RIGHT then. And that’s when she showed me something incredible… People actually read what I write. This amazes me, but she's right. Perhaps it's because my life is like a train wreck and people want to avert their eyes but can't.

Whatever the reason, thank you; however, I must admit I'm a wee-bit freaked out since blogging hasn't always panned out for me. That, and when she Googled last week's hits, MKROMD linked to an "Exotic" site. Now, when I saw exotic, I thought National Geographic. When she saw it, she thought stripper pole. It turns out that she was right.

How and why do these things always happen to me?

Because let me tell you something... in case you haven’t been reading about my life, if there is ONE person who should never attempt to use a stripper pole, it's me! The one time in my life I tried to be sexy, it ended VERY badly for everyone involved. TB and I were going to happy hour with a bunch of people, and (of course, as always) I was running late. So she called me. In my defense, when I heard a man’s voice on her phone I thought it was one of our crass friends who was already drunk, and when he said, “What are you wearing tonight?” I immediately replied, “You in 20 minutes.”

Turns out, it was her boss.

Within two seconds, TB was on her phone screaming, “Oh my GOD! What did you say to my boss? He just walked out of my office in horror. WHAT DID YOU SAY?” So I tried to explain and when that failed I said that it was his fault because he started it, but she didn’t seem to care. All I heard was, “I was going to set you two up tonight! He’s been dying to meet you, so I told him to call you from my phone and say that he was coming and that we were on our way. You idiot, he was asking ME what I was WEARING and if it was CASUAL or not when you HAPPENED TO PICK UP THE PHONE.”

Needless to say, he and I didn't go out, which is for the best! Because now I have DB, and I'm going to Crossroads 2010 this weekend. Talk to you next week.

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