If you have no idea who Van Halen or who David Lee Roth is, this post won't make any sense to you at all, and I apologize in advance. That said - it might not make sense to you even if you do know, and I’m sorry for that, too. Either way, disclaimer disclaimed, our story begins...
Last week, two Van Halen related things happened to me. One, according to Blogger's analytics, we have a reader in Panama (the southernmost country of Central America, not the song "Panama Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah PANAMA"). And two, I discovered that a friend of mine's ring tone is "Just a Gigolo." In other words, every time you call it, you hear "HUMALE-BIBALE-ZIBALE-BOOBALE-HUMALE-BIBALE-ZIBALE-BOP." Yes. Really.
Now, at the risk of blaming the victim, you can't have a mobile which does that and not expect me to exploit you for my own personal delight. Because, let's be honest, you may think you know how funny it is to see a grown man's pants burst into, "Just a Gigolo," but you don't. In fact, the only thing funnier than that is going into multiple conference rooms and calling him from different telephone numbers …over… and over…. and over… so he doesn't know whether to take the call or not. Sadly though, after the fourth or fifth call, he put it on vibrate and stole my joy, which forced me send the following text, "whoa oh oh mkromd's crying." To which this friend of over a decade wittily replied, "I KNEW it was you. I’m going to “Finish What You Started,” an obscure reference to a song from the album OU812.
Please know that when you throw down a ‘battle of the band’ gauntlet, I will pick it up like a middle-aged, wanna-be music nerd. Below is a copy of the threaded conversation that immediately ensued.
him: That’s right. “You Really got Me,” but I “Won't get Fooled Again!”
me: Nicely played. Points awarded. But it’s GO time. You and me… in the parking lot… NOW. When you wake up in a week, you’ll be humming “Outside Woman Blues.”
him: Oh, hell no, “Poundcake.” That “Dream is Over!”
me: That’s right. One song for you, “Black and Blue.”
him: But we’re friends. “Why can’t this be Love?”
me: Cause, I “Ain't talkin' 'bout Love.” I’m talkin’ ‘bout, “Somebody Get U a Doctor.”
him: LOL! How ‘bout lunch? “Everybody wants some. I want some, too.”
me: TOTALLY! I’ll be at your desk in two minutes.
Then, on the way to his cubicle, I called his cell phone one last time and heard, “HUMALE-BIBALE-ZIBALE-BOOBALE-HUMALE-BIBALE-ZIBALE-BOP." Thank God some things never change.