Saturday, March 30, 2013

I don’t mind straight people. I just wish they’d act gay in public.

Warning: This post requires me to pull out my soapbox and preach. I apologize in advance if it offends anyone. That truly isn't my intention. With that...

This week, the Supreme Court of the United States heard arguments for two incredibly important pieces of Civil Rights legislation:
  • Proposition 8, the California ballot referendum (which passed) that banned same-sex marriage, reversing the state’s Supreme Court decision to already recognize marriage equality.
  • The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), a federal law which recognizes only those unions that are comprised of a man and a woman.
Now, outside of the obvious, moral question, "should equality and fairness be extended to all US citizens," why is the highest court in our land adjudicating their legality? By overturning Prop 8, the Justices are saying that same-sex couples have the right to marry and that such a right should be extended to all states, making same-sex marriage a federal constitutional right… And why is that relevant? Because if they also overturn DOMA, the 1100 references to marriage contained in federal laws and regulations will also be applied to gay married couples... and it's about time. Actually, scratch that. It's not just an idea whose time has come. It's an idea that is long over-due.

I make it no secret that I advocate equality… equality regardless of gender, equality regardless of race, equality regardless of religion, and yes – equality regardless of sexual orientation. I’m the reason that gay men had prom dates in high school AND still have lunch dates today. And you will never convince me that the Federal government or any state has the right to deny someone the ability to marry someone they love. Because, let’s be honest… if heterosexuals like Rush Limbaugh and Karl Rove can get divorced and re-married as many as four times, don’t you think that gay couples should get the right to marry at least once? If felons who have committed heinous acts of violence can marry (from prison no less), shouldn’t two people who have never broken the law but happen to be the same gender be allowed to legally express their love? If the federal right already extends to interracial and interfaith marriages, why is this different? It’s not. 

Don’t get me wrong, it's not always easy to take the high-road. I have a very dear gay friend who loves to go to lunch together and act like we’re a straight couple. He says, “If I can’t take my husband on a date, you’re the next best thing.” And honestly… that infuriates me for three reasons:
  • I have NO idea how I’ve become an “affection surrogate” for a gay man, when I'm happily married and so is he... just not to each other.
  • I agree that, barring homosexuals, no other group in recent history has been subjected to popular referenda that take away rights which have already been given (as in Prop 8) or exclude those rights in general (as in DOMA).
  • PEOPLE THINK WE’RE A COUPLE. No, really. People look at us and think, “WOW… look at that poor woman, she is SO clueless that she has NO idea her 'date' is gay.” I’m like Michele Bachmann (minus the great hair and crazy eyes).  
Also, the personal IS the political, and just a few weeks ago, at my step-son’s Chess tournament, I was sitting with my husband’s ex-wife (CL), whom I love. She is great with me and I honestly consider her part of the package I married into. That’s right, I got an amazing spouse, two beautiful step-kids, and her – a really great person and friend – out-of-the deal… but I digress. The point is that we were sitting there, passing her adorable new baby back-and-forth, laughing and chatting, when the coach came up to us and started talking.

Thinking nothing of it, CL said, “Do you know my son’s step-mother, mkromd?” He shook my hand, we finished chatting, and he walked away. Within seconds, I turned to my dear friend and said, “OH MY GOD… HE THINKS WE’RE LESBIAN PARTNERS.” After twenty minutes of laughing until we ached, I added, “And because you’re this gorgeous, fit, all-natural yoga teacher with an infant… you know he thinks I’m the soft-ball playing one in the relationship.” We didn’t know how to explain it to my husband/her ex-husband, so we just let him stare at us from the other side of the room. Poor DB, he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

Ahhh... good times.

At any rate, let me say this… the Supreme Court is set to rule in July. Let’s hope that, while Justice is a half-naked woman who is blind-folded and carrying a scale that’s far too heavy for her, she weighs the facts and sees the truth. Hatred is not a family value, at least not one that I care to practice.


  1. This:

    "Hatred is not a family value, at least not one that I care to practice"

    Beautifully said!

    Good post - good arguments for equality and fairness!

  2. Hey!!! I just blog-stalked you. Do you know that, even when I can't write, I log on to your site and check to see if you've commented. You HONESTLY make my day, and you bring out EVERYTHING I love about blogging. You share your life. You take this anonymous space and you fill it with the details that make you human... your goals, your struggles and your humanity - and I applaud it and look forward to reading it. Of late, my life has been insane - so thank you for the ray of sunshine you bring.

  3. mkromd - thank you so much!!! :)

    I think your blog is terrific, too! :)

  4. Perfectly and beautifully article.

  5. Hi Mira - you always make my day.

    Hi Marie - thank you! I love that you are willing to comment on politically sensitive topics. I really do appreciate it.